First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
