That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
