I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
