Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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