Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
