You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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