youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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