this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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