If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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