What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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