she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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