I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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