Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just had sex bonerless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
