Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
