Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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