Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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