Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
