you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
