Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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