im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
