her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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