I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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