We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They took my balls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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