No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
