the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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