God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
