So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
