sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
