who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
