my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
