I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
