when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
