i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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