just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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