he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
