walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
