so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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