he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
