I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
