Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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