The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
