You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I die, sorry about rent.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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