I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
