So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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