all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
