We're facebook friends in real life
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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