this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
