She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
