I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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