I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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