I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
