Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
