The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
