Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
