I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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