so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
