Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
