I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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