I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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