his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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