have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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