I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently you make a good broom.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
