If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Girls should come with a carfax report
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
