hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
