He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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