We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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