im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
