im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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